Thoughts on social media.

I just want to let myself know that I AM NOT AND WILL NOT BE DEFINED BY SOCIAL MEDIA.

Although everything I posted online was true. They were all me. They were all recording what I have done. But I started to doubt myself, why did I ever post things online.

Because every time when I tried to post something, I made sure I put on filters and edit them accordingly until satisfaction. Every time I went shopping I would shop for the fashionable fancies rather than those timeless pieces that will last longer in term of quality and never go out of style, just to make my photos look good. And food, and places, personal belongings. Things that I have bought and I have eaten, or places that I have been to, were out of my eager to make myself looking great online, rather than having myself happy and contented while looking at them physically offline. 

And so one day, I decided to shut myself down for a day and see how would I make it out without social media. And holy moly, I did not even know what to do with the urge of wanting to scroll instagram. That deepens the doubt. I mean, how could I be so obsessed with scrolling through others' life and busy making 'a greater self' so whole-heartedly on social media.

It is not wrong to photoshop your photos (well, taking photographs and editing them are one of my hobbies), just like there isn't anything wrong when you post things online. Social media were created for good and they meant to be connecting people through words and photos, closer and deeper, while the physical distances are parting me from you. The 'wrong' in me was, I was too obsessed until it has emptied out my mind and soul. I should have utilised the world greatest virtual brain, to make progresses in everything that I want to learn. I should have used that for vision expansion. I should have used it out of knowledge-gaining and sharing interesting stuffs and information instead of losing my mind and soul into it, hoping for the virtual likes and loves. 

Here to the reply of your observation (if you have) : Recently I always delete the photos or posts after uploading it online. What am I trying to do?

The reason I deleted the photos after posting it for some time is that, I asked myself why did I post. Sometimes the evil devil of social media obsession won over my sense, so I posted them without thinking. When I have calmed down, I asked myself, why did I post it, is it just to gain likes to make me feel good from the likes I have gained? or I truly find this is a beautiful piece that I want to share it with you?

Well, concluding the points I have made above, still I will not refrain myself from using social media. Instead, I am on the journey to teach myself how to reap benefits from it for good. I try not to make any deletion after posting, so I will have to think before my action, and eventually conquering the evil devil of obsession. Another end of this is that, I don't want myself to develop inferiority and self-abasement. On the first few days of this self-teaching journey, I forced myself to think that 'no one is going to look at your posts and get interested with that, so don't post anything' 'Wah, people gonna bash you for posting this COACH bag, saying you wahh flaunting wealth, so don't post!' (all COACH I have were gifted by my grandmother who comes back once in a while from US, I am not that rich yet), which after a few days I realised that this is not leading to the correct path, but instead I am heading towards another end of 'social media toxication'. 

I am still learning, but at least I thank myself for realising the fault in me and not stepping any deeper into that abyss. Cheers to the first tiny but essential correction that I have made, that is to tidy up my closet and declutter! That makes myself realise that, hey! I have so many classic and pretty pieces that I can wear for a long time, rather than thinking damn! this shirt have already appeared in ONE photo that I have posted before so I must not wear it for photograph again! (How ridiculous I was huh.)

At least I have started to know what I REALLY like and realise the wonder of everything I possessed and would not think of 'everything is not enough, I still want this, I want that too!'. At least I start to love myself, the real-world self. 

Hmmm, what shall I correct next?

Starting to love my real-world self :)