Hey guys it has been long to write here.
It’s another new year again. Happy 2019! The time now is 3.55am, except for experiencing my first insomnia of 2019 (too much caffeine intake today), other than that, everything is great :)
2018 wasn’t a great year to me, to be honest to myself, although I feel the need to congratulate myself on my graduation. I really do hope 2019 could be better, to not be too careful of what people would think about me, physically or emotionally, to improve my embedded value other than showing off the hardly surviving one. I have decided to not force myself on being someone others would love to talk to, but to be someone I truly love and respect, and whom I myself would want to be with every single day. Loving myself is always a tough thing to me. With too much expectations on myself, I tend to push myself harder and harder but the result isn’t on par with my effort. And slowly I found out that I always set a goal which is not realistic enough to achieve step by step. 我总想一步登天，所以强烈的压迫感老是让我喘不过气却又事倍功半。I have always wanted to be the perfect one, until I realize no one is perfect just yet.
I need to make myself fully aware of this, NO ONE IS PERFECT, but you can be who you would like to be, a person you yourself would want to be with. So in this brand new 2019, I wish I can be happier with myself, improvement is needed without sacrificing my happiness and health. Not going to make myself glorious, but I am sure the way to exploring myself will definitely be an enjoyable one.
Let’s not be perfect, let’s be real and don’t be afraid of trying and improving, shall we? :)
Cheers to a better year ahead!
Love,
Zi Yan
Tuesday, 1 January 2019
Sunday, 16 April 2017
Let-go stories
Well. Not too inspiring. Am not trying to inspire anyone anyway haha. Just wanna share some of my self-get-through tough times.
My OCD
I used to have the checking OCD. Hmm not 'used to', still going on. I check on stove, check on plugs, check on switches, check on water pipies, check on door locks, check on people to see if they are safe, the most ridiculous one, check on my family members, just to see whether they are still breathing, would just hang in there, not moving for few seconds, observing their breathing. I know it's really ridiculous, but I just couldn't help, I know I musn't be like this. I never want to cure this cute little mild OCD, but recently I found my habit of checking on people especially the love ones is troublesome to them. I am truly sorry, real sorry. Trying so hard to get over it alone. But I know there's only one person in this world who can help this, that's myself. I need to win the battle with the evil inside me. Huh, the evil is me myself. Owh, so hard but I need to do it.
My EMOness
Well, this is because of my brother. Honestly, thankiew bro. He texted me a sentence which made me realised how much trouble I had caused all that while. I wasn't happy, my friends around weren't happy and of course my parents and my brother weren't happy as well. I knew, at that time, I must correct this. Slowly getting over it, although sometimes I do throw tantrums. Please forgive me okay people? I promise I will fix everything and get through all these and make everything better.
My EGOness
Ahha, everyone knows I am not that 'manja'-type right. Well, I know it just not suits my face. Hmm ahh okay but still I am not that type. I have tried hard to be like that, but I just can't be like that. Haha. But I wasn't that neutral, you know? I wasn't the usual not manja-type of people, I ego. Honestly. I didn't like to admit I have done something wrong, I didn't like to accept others' suggestions and opinions, I always tried to find reasons and arguments and excuses to cover my mistakes. But luckily I never showed it out. I hid them up. That WAS my past. I knew it was wrong. I corrected. I had corrected since I was in first year of my university life. I knew it's not gonna work in university. I have learnt to be humble, to understand and accept others' opinions, suggestions, advices, well sometimes criticism. How are you going to work with others when you don't value all these? There are like lots and lots of groups like WTH to work with. If you are always the one who always give orders and not advices, who think yourself are always correct, not tolerable, then you gonna get through your university life like hell. Trust me, HELL. No one wanna befriend you, no one wanna work with you, no one gonna stay by your side. So, learn to let go your ego-ness.
My friend
Hmmm, well this is a bit sensitive..I used to have a very good companion. To everywhere. But not anymore. I don't like to admit this, but I know I lose that very good companion. It's my fault I know. I was too busy entertaining new friends, I was too busy with my organisations and activities, I was just too busy until I was always in a bad mood and until I forget people have feelings. Well, I am now trying hard to fix that, but I somehow think that this stuff is not going to work. We are just too far away now. In lifestyle, in thinking, in everything. Anyway, thanks for existing in my life, before and now.
My insistence and obsession
This is about my academic. My sports is not too well-performed, and that's why I bet most of you don't know I was a Judo player. WAS. So hurt, but WAS. I dropped this out just to take care of my academic performance. I shouldn't have done this. I know, but it's too late. My social skill is not that good as well, and that's why people don't really know who is 'TAN ZI YAN'. I don't know life hacks, I don't know economy, I don't know Hollywood, I don't know Disney stories, I never watched a movie before until Form 2. I don't know how to play badminton well, although I like playing badminton. I don't know how to swim well, although I like swimming. I gave up spending quality time with family and friends, just to revise. I almost lose a close friend. I had sacrificed too much for my academic.(Don't you think I am describing a mad scientist?) I was too insisted on getting good results, good grades, good CGPA. Was too obsessed with A's. Until I forget my aim since I was small (Honestly since I was small, 野心太大？haha), an all-rounder, to be an ALL-ROUNDER. I failed, I know. So people, please don't be too insisted on good grades kay. You gonna regret like me one day. Learn to enjoy, not to take a occasional bad grade to heart, learn something new, learn common things people know, watch the latest movie, listen to the latest release. Of course I am not asking to indulge until forgetting your assignments and lectures lahhh, BALANCE. Live the life, not spend the life.
OKAYYYY, guess I have talked too much ahhahaha, kay bye. Off to piles of assignments. Huhu. Don't forget assignments while enjoy letting go weihhh. (I'm not asking you to let go your academic ahh weihhh T.T)
My OCD
I used to have the checking OCD. Hmm not 'used to', still going on. I check on stove, check on plugs, check on switches, check on water pipies, check on door locks, check on people to see if they are safe, the most ridiculous one, check on my family members, just to see whether they are still breathing, would just hang in there, not moving for few seconds, observing their breathing. I know it's really ridiculous, but I just couldn't help, I know I musn't be like this. I never want to cure this cute little mild OCD, but recently I found my habit of checking on people especially the love ones is troublesome to them. I am truly sorry, real sorry. Trying so hard to get over it alone. But I know there's only one person in this world who can help this, that's myself. I need to win the battle with the evil inside me. Huh, the evil is me myself. Owh, so hard but I need to do it.
My EMOness
Well, this is because of my brother. Honestly, thankiew bro. He texted me a sentence which made me realised how much trouble I had caused all that while. I wasn't happy, my friends around weren't happy and of course my parents and my brother weren't happy as well. I knew, at that time, I must correct this. Slowly getting over it, although sometimes I do throw tantrums. Please forgive me okay people? I promise I will fix everything and get through all these and make everything better.
My EGOness
Ahha, everyone knows I am not that 'manja'-type right. Well, I know it just not suits my face. Hmm ahh okay but still I am not that type. I have tried hard to be like that, but I just can't be like that. Haha. But I wasn't that neutral, you know? I wasn't the usual not manja-type of people, I ego. Honestly. I didn't like to admit I have done something wrong, I didn't like to accept others' suggestions and opinions, I always tried to find reasons and arguments and excuses to cover my mistakes. But luckily I never showed it out. I hid them up. That WAS my past. I knew it was wrong. I corrected. I had corrected since I was in first year of my university life. I knew it's not gonna work in university. I have learnt to be humble, to understand and accept others' opinions, suggestions, advices, well sometimes criticism. How are you going to work with others when you don't value all these? There are like lots and lots of groups like WTH to work with. If you are always the one who always give orders and not advices, who think yourself are always correct, not tolerable, then you gonna get through your university life like hell. Trust me, HELL. No one wanna befriend you, no one wanna work with you, no one gonna stay by your side. So, learn to let go your ego-ness.
My friend
Hmmm, well this is a bit sensitive..I used to have a very good companion. To everywhere. But not anymore. I don't like to admit this, but I know I lose that very good companion. It's my fault I know. I was too busy entertaining new friends, I was too busy with my organisations and activities, I was just too busy until I was always in a bad mood and until I forget people have feelings. Well, I am now trying hard to fix that, but I somehow think that this stuff is not going to work. We are just too far away now. In lifestyle, in thinking, in everything. Anyway, thanks for existing in my life, before and now.
My insistence and obsession
This is about my academic. My sports is not too well-performed, and that's why I bet most of you don't know I was a Judo player. WAS. So hurt, but WAS. I dropped this out just to take care of my academic performance. I shouldn't have done this. I know, but it's too late. My social skill is not that good as well, and that's why people don't really know who is 'TAN ZI YAN'. I don't know life hacks, I don't know economy, I don't know Hollywood, I don't know Disney stories, I never watched a movie before until Form 2. I don't know how to play badminton well, although I like playing badminton. I don't know how to swim well, although I like swimming. I gave up spending quality time with family and friends, just to revise. I almost lose a close friend. I had sacrificed too much for my academic.(Don't you think I am describing a mad scientist?) I was too insisted on getting good results, good grades, good CGPA. Was too obsessed with A's. Until I forget my aim since I was small (Honestly since I was small, 野心太大？haha), an all-rounder, to be an ALL-ROUNDER. I failed, I know. So people, please don't be too insisted on good grades kay. You gonna regret like me one day. Learn to enjoy, not to take a occasional bad grade to heart, learn something new, learn common things people know, watch the latest movie, listen to the latest release. Of course I am not asking to indulge until forgetting your assignments and lectures lahhh, BALANCE. Live the life, not spend the life.
OKAYYYY, guess I have talked too much ahhahaha, kay bye. Off to piles of assignments. Huhu. Don't forget assignments while enjoy letting go weihhh. (I'm not asking you to let go your academic ahh weihhh T.T)
Saturday, 25 February 2017
Some throwbacks of happiness.
Oh Hey! 2 weeks of third year second sem had just passed. And yet, the motivation hasn't find its way back to me, so, yeah kind of...messy, I guess?
Well, fear not because I am here now, my home sweet home! Letting go some overthinking stuffs while completing my never-gonna-be-completed kind of assignments hahaha. *Ignoring tomorrow's BM-KL ticket* *eye roll**eye roll**eye roll*
Kay kay. Whatsoever, gonna share things that had happened in the past few weeks.
Well, fear not because I am here now, my home sweet home! Letting go some overthinking stuffs while completing my never-gonna-be-completed kind of assignments hahaha. *Ignoring tomorrow's BM-KL ticket* *eye roll**eye roll**eye roll*
Kay kay. Whatsoever, gonna share things that had happened in the past few weeks.
Chap Goh Meh at my fav mall
It has to be Straits Quay, tho there's not much to stop and shop, not even for window shopping, but still I like the place. Feeling relax when I am there, every single time, without fail, and I don't know why ahha ahha.
Uncle Albert's
I used to adore the food here. Their pumpkin soup, their 'catch of the day' and their caesar salad. But honestly it was kinda disappointing that day. Hopefully not for my next visit? Hopefully.
Promenade
There was a happening but I didn't know what was it, guess there was a live performance going on? Am too short, am just too short, I just wasn't able to see what was it. Okay, I am cute, ta-da. Hmm. Too sad to be true.
Okashi World
Okay that's my dad, obviously, we look alike, aren't we? Hahaha. And he was trying to be the spokesman of those uhhhhh...cup noodles. Look at the variety, haha, not healthy, but tempting. So tempting. No. Let's go.
Ahh and by the way, they are selling some Japanese snacks and chocolate (Yes Meiji Meiji Meiji!), so it's definitely a paradise for those snacks- and choco-lovers.
Milago
But wait choco-lovers! I have a better suggestion for you! Milago and yes!
The decor looks so 'expensive' but I promise you, their IMPORTED chocolates are not. Wanted to buy the 99% dark chocolate but dad looked down at me. "You sure?" Okay, I am not sure. So I bought the 86% one. Beside chocolates, they are also selling spread. Chocolate with cappuccino, Chocolate with latte, Chocolate with this, Chocolate with that...Special? Definitely! Please please stop by this shop, you won't be coming out with empty hand hahahaha.
Straits court
Some miscellaneous people-with-decor photos ahhahaha.
Okay Straits Quay's throwback ends here.
Some recommendations!
Was sharing this with friends and cousies. THE FACE SHOP's Rice Water Cleanser and Green Tea Hand Cream. They are so moisturizing I am honest *both hands up* And one more, they smell really good. Give them a try!
Ahh a quick update! Gtg! See ya!
XOXO.
Friday, 10 February 2017
Hey there!
Hey there!
So...here comes my brand new blog, to kick away those 'socially-unhealthy' kind of feelings.
Will be sharing about my hectic life as a Biomedical Science student, some interesting experiences, well yeahh and may be some good foods and travel attractions to be recommended to all of you soon!
Buckle up and welcome on board! I do hope you enjoy exploring the innerself world of mine!
Buckle up and welcome on board! I do hope you enjoy exploring the innerself world of mine!
So stay tuned, brb!
XOXO.
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