Let-go stories

Well. Not too inspiring. Am not trying to inspire anyone anyway haha. Just wanna share some of my self-get-through tough times.


My OCD 

I used to have the checking OCD. Hmm not 'used to', still going on. I check on stove, check on plugs, check on switches, check on water pipies, check on door locks, check on people to see if they are safe, the most ridiculous one, check on my family members, just to see whether they are still breathing, would just hang in there, not moving for few seconds, observing their breathing. I know it's really ridiculous, but I just couldn't help, I know I musn't be like this. I never want to cure this cute little mild OCD, but recently I found my habit of checking on people especially the love ones is troublesome to them. I am truly sorry, real sorry. Trying so hard to get over it alone. But I know there's only one person in this world who can help this, that's myself. I need to win the battle with the evil inside me. Huh, the evil is me myself. Owh, so hard but I need to do it.

My EMOness

Well, this is because of my brother. Honestly, thankiew bro. He texted me a sentence which made me realised how much trouble I had caused all that while. I wasn't happy, my friends around weren't happy and of course my parents and my brother weren't happy as well. I knew, at that time, I must correct this. Slowly getting over it, although sometimes I do throw tantrums. Please forgive me okay people? I promise I will fix everything and get through all these and make everything better.

My EGOness

Ahha, everyone knows I am not that 'manja'-type right. Well, I know it just not suits my face. Hmm ahh okay but still I am not that type. I have tried hard to be like that, but I just can't be like that. Haha. But I wasn't that neutral, you know? I wasn't the usual not manja-type of people, I ego. Honestly. I didn't like to admit I have done something wrong, I didn't like to accept others' suggestions and opinions, I always tried to find reasons and arguments and excuses to cover my mistakes. But luckily I never showed it out. I hid them up. That WAS my past. I knew it was wrong. I corrected. I had corrected since I was in first year of my university life. I knew it's not gonna work in university. I have learnt to be humble, to understand and accept others' opinions, suggestions, advices, well sometimes criticism. How are you going to work with others when you don't value all these? There are like lots and lots of groups like WTH to work with. If you are always the one who always give orders and not advices, who think yourself are always correct, not tolerable, then you gonna get through your university life like hell. Trust me, HELL. No one wanna befriend you, no one wanna work with you, no one gonna stay by your side. So, learn to let go your ego-ness.

My friend

Hmmm, well this is a bit sensitive..I used to have a very good companion. To everywhere. But not anymore. I don't like to admit this, but I know I lose that very good companion. It's my fault I know. I was too busy entertaining new friends, I was too busy with my organisations and activities, I was just too busy until I was always in a bad mood and until I forget people have feelings. Well, I am now trying hard to fix that, but I somehow think that this stuff is not going to work. We are just too far away now. In lifestyle, in thinking, in everything. Anyway, thanks for existing in my life, before and now.

My insistence and obsession

This is about my academic. My sports is not too well-performed, and that's why I bet most of you don't know I was a Judo player. WAS. So hurt, but WAS. I dropped this out just to take care of my academic performance. I shouldn't have done this. I know, but it's too late. My social skill is not that good as well, and that's why people don't really know who is 'TAN ZI YAN'. I don't know life hacks, I don't know economy, I don't know Hollywood, I don't know Disney stories, I never watched a movie before until Form 2. I don't know how to play badminton well, although I like playing badminton. I don't know how to swim well, although I like swimming. I gave up spending quality time with family and friends, just to revise. I almost lose a close friend. I had sacrificed too much for my academic.(Don't you think I am describing a mad scientist?) I was too insisted on getting good results, good grades, good CGPA. Was too obsessed with A's. Until I forget my aim since I was small (Honestly since I was small, 野心太大？haha), an all-rounder, to be an ALL-ROUNDER. I failed, I know. So people, please don't be too insisted on good grades kay. You gonna regret like me one day. Learn to enjoy, not to take a occasional bad grade to heart, learn something new, learn common things people know, watch the latest movie, listen to the latest release. Of course I am not asking to indulge until forgetting your assignments and lectures lahhh, BALANCE. Live the life, not spend the life.


OKAYYYY, guess I have talked too much ahhahaha, kay bye. Off to piles of assignments. Huhu. Don't forget assignments while enjoy letting go weihhh. (I'm not asking you to let go your academic ahh weihhh T.T)